dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
