I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
