i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
