I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
