College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
