piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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