I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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