marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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