I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
