I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
