I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
