You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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