two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
