I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
