I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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