You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize