So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
