Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize