this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
