Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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