do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
