so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
