Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
