Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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