my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
