even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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