I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
