Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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