I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You're earring is so big in my mouth
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
