i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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