I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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