just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
