Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
