I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
