Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
