she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
