just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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