This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
