I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
