Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize