omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
