I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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