Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
