can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
