All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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