i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
