Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
