I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
