Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
