ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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