I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
