I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
