We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
