My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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