Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
