Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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