the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it wasn't lemon gatorade
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
