so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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