Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
