i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
