And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do vagina's smell?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
