I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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