If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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