I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
