I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
