so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
